There are times when I think accepting disability is good, and times when I do not, but when we are talking about the later, it is usually because I have forgotten that acceptance is a process. If one goes through all the appropriate steps of that process, we have a state of functionality, when we do not, problems occur. What are the steps that should happen?
Step One: Shock
When losing something, loss is felt, whether it is a close loved one, a cherrished object, or a means of self-identity. If one goes through your entire life with one identity, and recieves another, even if that identity seems to explain difficulties you have experienced, it is natural to feel a little shock and/or astonishment. Difficulty might ensure regarding the true impact of what has happened when recieving the education surrounding a disability label. No amount of education may suffice. It is possible that the body’s defense mechanisms might kick when going through such a change, causing feelings of numbness, and this bodily defense could occur for a matter of minutes, hours, days or weeks. This is natural and is okay if you acknowlege it and work to move through it. Their are many good books on the grieving process at your local library, and if they do not have any, you can usually get them through interlibrary loan.
Step Two: Denial
After going through the shock of realizing that we have a disability, it is natural to deny this reality. 'The doctor has it wrong (The doctor could be wrong, so be open to a second opinion) or if they are right, I can hide it, or I can just forget that the diagnosis happened or, I can forget my issue by taking drugs or drinking..." Denial is a grief stage that can be very short for some, or VERY LONG. IF self-medication occurs through the use of illegal drugs and/or alcahol, this can also be very harmful. The process of denial is also natural, because of feelingsthat canbe overwhealming when redefinning who you are, but when push comes to shove, the only way you can progress with life after redefining who you are is to face the new reality of the social construction of disability and treat your experiences as if they are real.
Step Three: Anger & Guilt
Now, when one does come fully face to face with a new identity, one might react with anger, or even feelings of unfairness, abandonment, or powerlessness. you did not bargain for this, you did not know a thing about thisa year ago and now you are living a new life that is confusing, due to all the new information you have to process...
Their also might be guilt, that you are letting people down, or even yourself, by not matching society's standard. "If only I had figured this out earlier...I somehow caused this from diet, activity, breathing to much air..."
Step Four: Depression
After anger and guilt one can hit overwhelm, looking at the whole process and feel hoples, realizing that change is VERY difficult or impossible. Depression is eminent if this occurs. Whewn depressed, one could shut themselvess off from their daily routine, the people they love, the life they call "normal," and if this goes on too long, it can be VERY unhealthy. Depression can be one of the most difficult phases of grief to undergo. It is natural, it needs to be acknowleged, but it is challenging to figure out what the fine line is between letting it go its course, and living in a state of unhealthy indulgence. again, their are books on this subject written by people with more degrees than I have.
Step Five: Acceptance
Acceptance of disability is finally comming to terms with your new efinition, realizing that their are strengths and weaknesses that come with your new identity, and seting out to learn them for the purpose of aplication. YOu are accepting you have a disability, you are accepting you have an impairement, and you are using that knowlege to grow as a person who wears these social constructions in society (Moving beyond the label). This phase of grief does not mean that we will never be depressed again, or ever have difficulty, but it does mean that the disability does not become a crutch. You might have an impass at this point, but everyone has different gifts and you find your way of living and relating in society. Everyone needs to meet in the middle for sociatal cohesion. Society needs to learn some more about disability for this to happen, but we as their disabled have to learn too.
This is barely skimming the surface about the grief process, and how it might apply to comming to terms with a new disability label. This process is quick fro some, and takes years for others. Some never make it through the proces because they get stuck. IF you are a person who believes they are stuck some where, there is hope and help. Seek more information. I am a person with a disability, not an expert. If you find someone who calls themselves an expert who is in a helping profesion, RUN!!! They have nothing to teach you. Find out what you need from somone who is still learning. I could go on and on with this rant, but I think the point is made.
